Success Or Failure

I feel that I am inept at doing anything to improve things. Things had stayed the same way for years, and it hurt terribly when my attempts to address issues were incapacitated with non-reaction or stoic reaction. At one point, I stooped so low and hoped it would help, but I was wrong. I was greeted with indifference. I've chosen to leave things as it is so as not to rock the boat and upset others. I was also tired of trying. By not placing any hope, I thought I could desensitise myself to hurt. Does staying married in the legal sense equate "Success"? I doubt so. At times I would feel indignant, but I hope the feeling would fade. Remaining status quo does no harm to others at least.

25 September 2010

It's my birthday, but felt that it's inappropriate to celebrate. So I had instructed the kids not to buy any cake for celebration. Alyssa's first Holy Communion falls on this day.

LOST IN THOUGHTS

A great sense of sorrow overwhelmed me as it was drizzling lightly and the sky was dark. I was at the back seat of the car on our way to town. My mind drifted to mother's flat.... her photo albums.... I was totally lost in her flat for some time... "Mummy, we've reached Orchard Rd," said Alyssa. I was jolted back to reality. We're supposed to meet Mr Joe.

SORRY

Why was I so agitated over small matters? I'm sorry for being emotional...

STUPID & DUMB

The only words to discribe myself for the things that happened yesterday were Stupid and Dumb. But the kids were so angelic and they tried to assure me that it was alright. I don't think so. However, Alyssa said what mattered to her was that she had enjoyed the performance, despite it being a long a tiring day. So today, after the prayer at the temple, I brought her for a Bento set meal and she was so so happy.


Open a can of Happy Drink...................

Drink it...............................

The backdrop is nice............................

Here comes the Bento set.................................................

Attack........................................

Chomp.............................................

You must try it....................................................

I'm the happiest kid........................................................................

Alyssa's Dance Performance on 4 Sep 2010

It was Alyssa's big day as she looked forward to the performance at VJC Auditorium. She was very happy and enjoyed the preparation till the finale. The rest of the day was not worth mentioning.

21st Day

At Tong Teck Temple to mark the 21st day (5 Sep 2010) after mother's demise.

IMAGES

Something's wrong with me. Images of dying in various ways creeping into my mind when on my own. Got to keep myself busy.