Not so smooth flowing

Things are not going so smoothly... not so sure what exactly is wrong. But got so aggitated over small things that don't really matter. But change in the surgery date... this is going to affect my other plans =( This would mean another half day doing stupid blood tests, x ray etc. Good thing Richard was there helping me with the sorting of documents and that in a way diffused some of the bad feelings.

"Near Death Experience"

On Saturday morning (28 August 2010), I was at the hospital at the verge of death. I vividly remeber seeing myself lying on death bed and was donning hospital clothing. The only person near me appeared to be a doctor and as he touched my forehead, my felt "cold" spreading from my head to the rest of my body. Following that, numbness overtook my body. And the "doctor" pronounced me dead. As the thought of my loved ones came to me all of a sudden, I struggled to move my hands. As I recovered my senses, I woke up and realised it was a dream. I was relieved to see Alyssa next to me. Perhaps my recent experience at mother's death bed had contributed to the dream. But what about the numbness? It was so real. Could I have died if I didn't wake up? Time to take stock of my life.

Changi Boardwalk on Sunday, 29 August 2010

7TH DAY

Today, Sunday 22 August 2010, is the 7th Day of mother's demise. Her urn has been placed at Tong Teck Temple (Teochew) at Balestier Rd. Sharon mentioned that mother liked the place. Brother had also booked a lot for father.

PHOTOs

MOTHERS' SOUL

Though the last rites for mother followed that of Buddhism, we were nevertheless influenced by Taoism believes and customs. Cantonese believe that a desease' soul will return home on the seventh day. So it is tonight. Janet and Sis had taken the trouble to bring yummy food to place at mother's house so that she had something to eat when she "returns home". I had bought her a lipstick to be placed at her dressing table as she was always well-groomed when she was well. Over at my place, I had placed a cup of coffee and some biscuits at the coffee table, in case she "drops by". Though the preparation is not as elaborate as in the past, this practice still has its value in that it helps us adjust to the departure slowly, lessening the pain.

REFLECTION

Despite mothers' unpopular decision (in leaving the family) which affected all of us, we were aware that she loved us alot. It was painful to see her go. I would be lying if I say that I had no regrets. I wish a million times that I could communicate well with her. But life is like that. Nevertheless, I am glad to be able to provide her comfort whenever she was ill. The last few weeks spent with us, though not perfect, but at least we felt we had done our part.

Mother had led a eventful life, did what she thought was best. She had been kind to many people and we learned at the wake that there were people who took advantage of her kindness.

Alyssa was the most affected in our household. She wept bitterly at the hospital, at mother's house, and also at the wake and the funeral.

Alexus was sad appeared nonchalant at first, but shed tears on the final day. Mother had nevertheless spent many happy moments with him.

Father said something to mother at her casket. We were curious but dared not probe.

Sis and Janet, Melissa and Belinda had been emotional.

Ah Chun totally lost control of her emotion when the casket was being carried away, and fainted at the crematorium.

I feel Sharon, Brother, Savier and Daniel (especially Sharon) had done a wonderful job in making the funeral arrangement and helping with errands.

MOTHER'S FUNERAL WAKE

The wake was conducted at Teochew Funeral Parlour at Ubi Road 4. The place was spacious and clean but considered secluded for people who rely on Public Transport. Buddhist rituals will be conducted for her. The wake commenced on Tuesday, 17 August 2010 and the funeral will be on Friday 20 August 2010. Mother was dressed in "Hai Qing" ( I was told it was meant for people who had "Gui Yi"). She had given instruction to Sis when she was alive.

Thanks to all friends and relatives who had been at the wake or sent condolences and comforting words.

LAST MOMENTS WITH MOTHER

Received call from Sis on Monday, 16 August 2010, while attending meeting. At first she said mother had difficulty breathing. She sounded panicky. Instructed her to get the Doctor. The medical staff tried to clear her phlem. Savier said he would rush to SGH. A few minutes later, Sis called to say mother had gone. After telling Richard, Danny and Murali, rushed to SGH. She was already brain dead but put on life support. Sharon, Janet, Sis & Belinda were there talking to her. Could still see the pulse. As we frantically tried to "wake" her by telling her to wait for brother, we also wanted her to go peacefully. Brother, her pride and joy, was in KL and could not rush there on time. He sent an sms asking us to convey message that he wish that she'll go peacefully. Uncles and aunt came to bid farewell. At about 1804 hrs, doctor confirmed she had passed away. Janet, being the youngest and most endearing, was inconsolable. Sis, needless to say, who had been taken care of her was extremely emotional. Alyssa was rushed to SGH in taxi, upon saying "Bye Bye Po Po" at her bed side, she broke down. It was then that I wept openly together with her. When Melissa came, she blamed herself for not making it there on time. sigh. Very soon, we had to regain composure and prepare for the wake. Sharon contacted the undertaker, who assisted us to claim the body. Gave us some instructions about getting her belongingsm(clothings). We chose the funeral package (alot of decision had to be made quickly), went to mother's house to collect her clothings. By the time I reached home, it was past midnight. Savier and I went to report the death at the police post nearby our house.

EXHAUSTING WEEKEND

Had been shuttling between PS and SGH over the weekend. Mother had regained consciousness momentarily today but seemed to be in pain, Nevertheless, we as children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren had done our part by spending time watching over her.