OUCH!

Feel like my heart had just been pinched, bruised, crushed and stepped on.

......

I should stop taking things / ppl / issues too seriously or risk getting hurt when being played out. But when it comes to work, better do it properly.

Do not be derailed

It's happening again. This time, he informed me just a few seconds before he drove to M'sia in the early morning. He probably wouldn't be bothered to tell me when he'd be back if I hadn't asked. He had done this before, but I couldn't help feeling disheartened each time. I did not kick up any fuss. Sometimes, I wish he would just walk out on us forever. Sometimes, I wish he could just do something so that I have incriminating evidence against him. Meanwhile, I must not be derailed, don't fret, don't shed tears - I must stay focused. I have to take care of my rice bowl.

Attended some ceremony

Went for a ceremony witnessing two guys signing on some documents. It was boring, yet stirred up a little emotion in me as I recollect memories of a similar ceremony that happened 14 years ago. 1997 - It was the first time we had such a event. I had to grope in the dark to get it done. It was stressful, and I felt no sense of achievement but betrayal. Maybe that was because I didnt know how to handle the politics. That explained why I was so vexed prior to the event. After witnessin the ceremony today, I was exhausted - more emotionally than physically. Richard was very thoughtful to have driven to YCK to fetch me to the dinner with my colleagues. The dinner helped a great deal, though abit uneasy.

Negative Vibes

Why am I having so much negative vibes? Need to detox. My mileage had dropped to about 10 km last week. Got to resume the intensity.

Totally Flabbergasted

OMG, there some lousy and useless meetings lined up in the coming week. And I have to scramble to get a set of fitting garment - I was totally flabbergasted when I looked closer at my "tailored" pants and discovered how ill-fitting they looked on me. As an act of desperation, I sent them for alteration - but that would take a few days. Meanwhile, I have to make do with the existing ones. Sigh! Hope they'll be on time for the important time waster on 22 March.

Boring Sunday Morning

Feeling quite stupid having to sit through the boring programme at the Stadium on a Sunday Morning. But this is a necessity in our line of work. Alyssa was there with me, and she was (or both were) totally drained upon returning home. Having said that, credit should go to those in the working com as they had to slog harder to get the event going. I was glad to be able to bring Sausage Mac Muffins for my colleagues. At least I did something for them. As for Alyssa, even though she was tired, she felt happy to have come with me, and also saw Uncle Richard (though she seemed kind of reserved today). She's so sweet.

Alexus' Turn

Alexus has been busy with Scout activities - Job Week and some Hiking test. Hope he could settle down with serious revision by April. I had neglected him for quite a while. But was glad that he was receptive (at least not adversed) to the idea of tuition classes to help with his revision. Spoke to Savier about it. While he was for the idea, they way he responded gave me a strong indication that I have to handle this alone. Nvr mind about that. Stay calm. I just hope Alexus puts in some real effort.

Dilemma

Alyssa's Grade 3 RAD exams has been scheduled on 21 March 2011. On the one hand I felt a sense of relief, on the other hand, I had to squiz in time to send her for the last few intensive coaching sessions during her 1 week school holidays. Thereafter, I'll need to get her to focus on her school work, should I enrol her in tuition class. I am in a dilemma! Most probably, I have to resolve this alone.

Mental Exhaustion

We had overlooked the commencement date of Alyssa's Catechism Class. It used to be published on the website but not this time round. To my horror, I found out that the the class had started in Feb 2011! And again (!!!), I was the one to have to get hold of the Catechist last Saturday, gave her some valid reasons for missing those first few lessons. They were kind enough to reinstate her after some explanation. I'm mentally exhausted having to tackle all these issues alone.

What's Bothering My Dear Friend?

Poor Richard has been affected by some feedback - positive feedback as well as not so positive ones (not exactly negative though).

My heart really went out to him as I think he felt hurt and trapped (is this the appropriate term?) at the same time. His vulnerability is apparent. He felt repulsive maybe because he is expected to conform more than ever before? Such is the nature of our work.

While exchanging SMS, I was dismayed at Richard suggestion that I can be amused by some other funny guys when we are no longer working in the same place. He would be undermining our friendship if he really meant what he said. I chose to believe otherwise.

I can empathise with him. When the positive feedback was given to him, he did not feel encouraged at all. Why is that so? He is truly capable of doing more. Richard is able to analyse situation pretty well. However, his supervisor could have done more to engage him instead of telling him to talk less to (ahem) me. He made it sound like "talking to me" had caused another person to be unhappy. I told him Richard is a fast worker. Why isn't he engaging Richard more if he thought his staff is too free? In the up-coming events, I intend to assign interesting roles to Richard and his partner.