After Thoughts

Went for mammogram this pm. My first time undergoing the procedure. The results will be sent to me in two to three weeks' time. Can't help thinking "what should I do if I have contracted cancer?" Refuse treatment hoping that I'll survive long enuf to see my children grow up? Should I be glad so long I can prolong my life till my children are old enuf. Even if the result is negative, I may die from other diseases, accident or self-harm. Hope I am ready to let go whatever stage of life I'm at. Ha, if it is self-harm, I should be ready. Hopefully I need not entertain such thoughts till 10 to 15 yrs later unless some events hasten it. For me, the whole idea of when I am ready to die hinges on whether my children have grown up. I believe most mothers think that way.